Overcoming Mom Guilt, The Fourth Trimester, and Reparenting Yourself with Dr. Veronica Eyo and Rosalyn Davis

Mental HealthPodcast
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We all experience identity shifts throughout our lives, and the transition into motherhood can bring a very significant shift in one’s identity, including the occurrence of mom guilt. To discuss these shifts, I’m sitting down with Dr. Veronica Eyo, a licensed therapist who specializes in supporting moms of color, and Rosalyn Davis, a community builder, breathwork practitioner, and new mom.

This episode is full of honest takes about what the transition into motherhood can feel like, how new and seasoned mothers can reconnect with themselves, and how we can all reparent ourselves.

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We Also Talk About…

  • The importance of friendship for people with and without children.
  • Moving through feelings of mom guilt.
  • Why rest during the postpartum period is essential.
  • The connection between motherhood and creativity.

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Self-Care Tips for Moms

In the episode, guests Dr. Veronica and Rosalyn provide unique insights into navigating self-care during various stages of motherhood.

Overcoming Mom Guilt

To put it simply, mom guilt is when you feel guilty or have negative emotions about your role as a mother. It can come from not living up to certain expectations, or from feeling like you made a bad decision as a parent.

Many people feel guilt at some point in time during their journey as parents, so please know you aren't alone.

There are things we can do to prevent and overcome the feelings of mom guilt. The first thing to recognize is that everyone makes mistakes, but they learn, they grow, and they move forward with better decisions next time. You are doing the best that you can do at any given moment with what you have available to you at that time. Dr. Veronica Eyo reminds us that our ability to grow, change, and evolve doesn't stop at motherhood. In fact, the transition to motherhood often inspires further evolution.

Recognizing where our feelings of guilt come from can help us deal with them more effectively so we aren’t letting them control us. If we identify where these feelings are coming from- maybe an unrealistic expectation of ourselves- then we can begin working on overcoming these thoughts of guilt by making realistic expectations instead of impossible ones which bring on unnecessary guilt into our lives.

Reparenting Your Inner Child

Reparenting your inner child is a way to reconnect with and take care of the vulnerable younger part of yourself. It’s a form of self-love that can help you heal from childhood experiences, such as neglect or abuse, or even adult experiences like heartbreak. Through this reparenting process, you can come to understand the needs of your inner child and find ways to meet them in order to live a more authentic life with a deeper connection and compassion for yourself.

Reparenting is not just positive affirmations or positive thinking. It’s actually a form of shadow work that helps you uncover and acknowledge the fears, trauma, anger, shame, and confusion from your past rather than running from it or pretending it doesn’t exist. Only through working with our shadow parts can we begin healing them and releasing them into existence so we can access our full power as co-creators.

So why should you reparent your inner child? Because we all have unmet needs from childhood that are aching to be met—by ourselves—so we can feel whole again. According to Dr. Veronica Eyo, reparenting oneself is important for everyone, and becoming a parent can help reframe the ways your inner child needs more support.

Creativity and Motherhood

Creativity is an important part of every person's life.

For many people, being creative means making art or music; for others, it might mean cooking a gourmet meal or writing a book. And for others, creativity means using their imagination to find new ways of expressing themselves and their feelings. Whether it's painting a picture or decorating a room, creativity is all about finding new ways to express yourself and your ideas in whatever medium you're most comfortable with.

Finding space for creativity can be incredibly beneficial for mothers. In fact, research suggests people may become more creative after giving birth. Rosalyn has experienced a boost in creativity after giving birth to her daughter. She says, “I created a whole human being. There is nothing I can’t do, create, conjure up, think up. I don’t care how it performs or if it’s perfect. I’m focused on the impact and how it makes people feel.”

The Fourth Trimester

The first three months after birth are considered “the fourth trimester.” There can be many demands on your time and energy, the lack of sleep can take its toll, and you may feel pressure to be a perfect parent. It is important to remember that being kind to yourself in these early stages is not only beneficial but necessary for your well-being.

As a new parent, it's important to remember that there really aren't any "typical" days; newborns are very different from each other and from older children who may sleep through the night or seem content playing by themselves for long stretches of time.

As such, it can be helpful to adjust your expectations about what constitutes "normal," particularly at first when things are in flux so dramatically. What might be typical for one family or even one child isn't necessarily what will bring out the best traits in another baby—that’s why it’s so important to refrain from comparison.

Episode 134 Transcript

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Don't forget to listen to last week's episode about creating positive birth experiences with Myriam Webb, RD, RN.

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