How to Stop Settling and Actually Get What You Want in Life
What if the difference between wanting something and actually having it is your willingness to admit you want it? That's where most of us get tripped up. We pretend we're fine with less, convincing ourselves that wanting more makes us greedy or ungrateful.
I spent years doing this. Building a "small" podcast when I knew I wanted a big one. Living a contained life when I craved something extraordinary. Telling myself I was being realistic when really, I was just afraid to say what I actually wanted out loud.
Through sitting down with so many successful women over the years I learned that wanting more doesn't make you selfish. It means your soul is telling you what it desires, and it’s time to listen.
Why You Need to Get Clear on What You Actually Want
Before you can go after anything, you need to know if it's an authentic desire, not one you’ve been conditioned to want. We're constantly being told what we should want by family, by social media, by well-meaning people who think they know what's best for us.
I was 21 when my pastor asked if I was ready to start working on "grand babies." The ink on my diploma was barely dry. I had a corporate job starting Monday. But already, someone was planting seeds about what my life should look like next.
That's how it happens. Little comments, repeated messages, societal expectations—they all add up until you're living a life that was never meant for you in the first place.
So ask yourself: Is this desire coming from deep in your soul, or is it something you think you're supposed to want?
How to Discover Your Unfair Advantage
Once you're clear on what you want, you need to figure out what's going to get you there. And it's not about becoming someone else, it's typically through being your authentic self.
For years, I tried to be a traditional influencer. Get-ready-with-me videos, outfit links, the whole thing. But that's not my gift. People don't come to me for a lip gloss recommendation, they come to me for motivation. For ideas. For conversations that make them think and grow.
When I finally leaned into that—into what I'm actually good at—I began attracting dream opportunities.
Here's how to find yours:
What do people consistently ask you for? Not your job title, but the actual questions and recommendations people seek from you.
What's always been easy for you that others find challenging?
Where do you secretly know you're the best in the room?
Your unfair advantage is already there. You just have to give yourself permission to actually show up as the version of yourself that leads with it.
Why Lucky Girls Aren't Shy About What They Want
This is the hard part. The part I still struggle with as a deeply introverted person who spent most of my childhood battling social anxiety.
But the truth is: a closed mouth doesn't get fed.
The world is loud. Social media is loud. And there are people far less talented than you who will get what you want simply because they're willing to ask for it.
That's not fair, but it's reality.
So I started an experiment: shooting my shot once a week. Reaching out to dream podcast guests, pitching myself for brand partnerships that feel out of my league, and pitching myself as a guest on other shows instead of waiting to be invited.
Some shots miss. Some haven't gotten a response. But some have worked out beautifully. And for the ones that haven’t come to fruition (yet), at least I know I tried and did everything in my power to make them happen.
Not asking guarantees a no. Asking creates the possibility of a yes.
The Truth About Getting What You Want
Here's what nobody tells you: getting what you want requires becoming the version of yourself who can handle it.
Big desires come with big responsibility. More visibility means more criticism. More success means more people depending on you. More fulfillment means less tolerance for what doesn't serve you.
You have to increase your capacity for all of it—the good and the uncomfortable.
Think of it like weightlifting. You don't get stronger by lifting baby weights. You lift heavy weights until you can't anymore, rest, recover, and come back stronger. Then you lift even heavier.
The same applies to your dreams. Are you resting to quit, or resting to come back stronger?
Because if you truly want what you say you want, you can't keep pretending you're fine with less. You can't keep shrinking to make others comfortable, and you can't wait for permission that's never coming.
You have to admit it. Own it. And go for it loudly and unapologetically.
Your desires aren't accidents. They're on your heart for a reason. The only question left is: what are you going to do about it?
