How to Shoot Your Shot Without Letting Fear Make the Decision for You ft. Danielle Robay
“Shooting my shot” is a fairly new concept for me.
In the past, I was always a let-things-come-to-me girl. I believe in being prepared, staying ready, doing the work behind-the-scenes until the right opportunity presents itself. And for the little things, that approach worked.
But now that I’m in a season of working towards bigger things, the wait-and-see approach just isn’t effective. I'm tired of not having things I’ve been working towards and truly feel like I deserve. And sitting across from journalist and host Danielle Robay this week, I finally understood why.
Waiting isn't a strategy. It's just a slower version of no.
The fear of rejection is guaranteeing the outcome you're afraid of
Here's the reframe that Danielle gave me that I haven't stopped thinking about: if you ask for what you want, the answer could be yes or no. If you don't ask, it is absolutely a no. So when we talk ourselves out of shooting our shot — sending the email, making the ask, going after the opportunity — we're not protecting ourselves from rejection. We're just doing the rejecting ourselves, preemptively, before anyone else gets the chance.
When you look at it that way, not asking stops making sense.
Danielle has shot her shot at everything. Jobs she wasn't sure she'd get. Opportunities with no guaranteed outcome. Relationships where she wasn't sure the feeling was mutual. She's been rejected — a lot, by her own account — and she said something that stopped me cold: she doesn't really think about the no’s. She remembers the wins. The rejections faded, and the momentum she built by trying is what stayed.
"No" means next option
This is Danielle's actual philosophy, and it reframes rejection completely. A no isn't a dead end. It's information. It moves you forward faster than silence does, because now you know where not to put your energy. You can redirect. You can plant a different seed.
She told me about pitching people to come on her podcast and getting turned down, only to have them say yes three years later. She talked about not getting a job she wanted badly — and going on to build something so compelling that the same company eventually came back to hire her. The shots she took that didn't land immediately still mattered. They were still part of the path.
You cannot solve for winning. But you can stay in motion. And staying in motion is what creates the conditions for things to go your way.
How to actually shoot your shot
If you're someone who struggles with this — and most of us do — Danielle's advice is practical. Start small. Practice asking for things in low-stakes situations where the rejection risk is minimal. Build the muscle before you need it for something that matters.
Then ask yourself one question before you talk yourself out of making a move: what is waiting actually costing me? Not dramatically. Just honestly. Time has a price. Sitting on a desire has a price. Most of us just don't let ourselves add it up.
And if you need one more push — think about where you want to be. Think about what you would regret not having tried. The version of you who got what she wanted didn't get there by waiting for permission.
She shot her shot. Probably more than once. And she stopped apologizing for it.
That's available to you too.
Listen to my full conversation with Danielle Robay on She's So Lucky — available now on Spotify and YouTube.
